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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26202619">Cold Feet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeachCat0772/pseuds/BeachCat0772'>BeachCat0772</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gallagher Girls Series - Ally Carter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:34:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,007</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26202619</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeachCat0772/pseuds/BeachCat0772</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe escapes to his cabin in a moment of self doubt before his impending nuptials with Rachel.   Can Abby save the big day and stop Joe calling off the whole thing?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rachel Morgan/Joseph "Joe" Solomon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cold Feet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>As always, I do not own these characters.   All rights go to Ally Carter.</p><p>Alright, I know my first attempt at writing for this fandom went rather poorly so I'm begging you to give me another chance.   Tell me what you think.   Comments and critiques are always welcome.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Free and clear. </em> The circle is broken.  For the first time in his life, Joe Solomon breathes, fully and completely.  A clean breath untainted by paranoia and fear.  The darkness that has followed him since he entered Blackthorne has disappeared, no longer threatening to suffocate him.  Matt has finally been properly laid to rest, with all the honor and reverence he deserves.   Joe never saw the crude burial and the guilt that Cammie was forced to look upon that disgrace not once, but twice will haunt him to his own grave.   But Cammie is safe now, they all are.  He kept the promise he made to Matthew eighteen years ago but he will spend the rest of his life attempting to atone for everything he took away from Cammie, from Rachel.</p><p>How could I have been so naïve? Joe flings a rock and it drops into the water immediately with a disheartening “plop”.    Tears streak down his cheeks, anger overwhelms him as he hurls rock after rock into lake.   He tires quickly, an anguished scream muffling the sound of the last rock hitting the water.   Exhausted, Joe Solomon collapses to his knees.    Everything he has held inside for the last thirty years comes spilling out of him.    Fear, guilt, shame, grief, all of the emotions he had buried rushed to escape their prison.   He hits the ground with his fist, the only movement for which he has any strength.    A tortured scream rips through the air and his limbs finally give way completely.   Joe finds himself face down into dirt that is mixing with his tears and quickly becoming mud.    His breathing is ragged and laced with pain.   </p><p>For the second time in his life, Joe Solomon weeps.   He mourns his stolen childhood which set him on the path to Blackthorne.    He weeps for Zach’s stolen childhood and his pitiful attempt to spare him from the factory so adept at churning out people like him, numb and unfeeling.    He grieves for Matt, the best friend that wouldn’t take no for answer.   The best friend that pried every secret he’d never told from the inner most depths of his soul.    The best friend that put his life in jeopardy, again and again to free Joe from his self-imposed prison.    Joe mourns Rachel, who didn’t ask questions of Matt or he even when everything inside of her was begging for answers.   Mostly, he grieves for Cammie, for the hell that she had walked through because of him and the emotional and physical scarring she would carry with her for the rest of her life.  </p><p>Doubt takes hold in his chest, squeezing his heart.   Who was he kidding?  He couldn’t do this; he couldn’t marry Rachel.  What if he screwed this up as badly as screwed up the rest of his life?   Failing Rachel would tare him apart.   He wouldn’t survive that.   His breathing slowed as he made up his mind.   He wouldn’t go through with the wedding, couldn’t go through with it.   It was that simple.    He couldn’t simply expect to step into Matt’s shoes and move on with his life.   Could he?   Hadn’t he already?  </p><p>Disgust swells inside of Joe and he is unable to swallow the nausea. Pushing himself up to his hands and knees he staggers toward the lake.  He retches, over and over again until there is nothing left.    Joe focuses on his breathing, gathering strength from the simple act of taking oxygen into his body.   He knows what he has to do.   He begins to plan out every step starting with the first step toward his cabin.  He precariously pushes to his feet, wobbling to find his balance.   Staggering into the cabin, he tries to peel his shirt off.   Six years at Blackthorne, twenty years with the Company and yet he still missed the woman sitting at the small table.    He startles when she gives a prolonged admiring whistle.</p><p>“Wow,” Her eyes widen in concern.  “You look like crap.”</p><p>“How long have you been here?” Joe snaps, after his heart restarts.</p><p>“Looks like I have official bragging rights.” Abby grins.  “I scared the crap out of Joe Solomon.”</p><p>“Abby,” Joe warns, his expression warring between indignation and chagrin.</p><p>“No, you’re right.  Nobody will believe me.”  Abby conceded, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees.  “You’ll have to vouch for me.”</p><p>“ABBY!  How long have you been here?” Joe growls.   Abby’s face falls, her demeanor becomes serious.</p><p>“Long enough.  You seemed like you needed a moment out there.”</p><p>Joe huffs and turns away from her.   Abby stands and chases his gaze.</p><p>“You okay?”  Abby prods, forcing her face in front of Joe’s.</p><p>“I’m fine.” Abby’s raises her eyebrows.  “I will be.”</p><p>“Okay.  You took off kind of abruptly.  Rachel was worried.” Abby explains and Joe nods in understanding.</p><p>“Please don’t,” Joe starts, but Abby cuts him off.</p><p>“You have my word.” She promises and he knows his secret is safe.</p><p>“Thanks.  Could you?”  Joe spins his finger and Abby turns away from him as he strips his vomit stained clothes.  He quickly grabs a new set of garments.</p><p>“Cold feet?”  Joe can hear the smile in her voice as he pulls a pair of sweats over his legs.</p><p>“What?”  Joe asks innocently.</p><p>“Aww.  You know it’s kind of cute, actually.”  Abby turns around as Joe drops a long sleeve Henley over his torso.   He glares at Abby as he pulls the sleeves to three-quarter length.</p><p>“What is?”</p><p>“I had this same conversation with Matt.  He also had existential crisis before marrying my sister.”</p><p>Joe looks away, scooping his dirty clothes into his hands.   He can’t look at her and not see Rachel.  They are too similar and yet so different.  </p><p>“At least you don’t have to face my dad.   The way Rachel describes it, Matt was as pale as a ghost when he asked Phineas to marry her.””</p><p>“I’m sure he would have done the same to your fiancé.” Joe says as he starts the washing machine.</p><p>“Probably not.” Abby shrugs.  “Rachel was his favorite, his protégé.  I was only his backup plan.”</p><p>“I’m sure that’s not true.”</p><p>“You only met the man once.  You did not grow up with him.”</p><p>“I concede the point.”</p><p>“Thank you, but you won’t distract me.”</p><p>“Distract you from what?”  Joe asks wearily.   He flops onto the couch and Abby flops down beside him.</p><p>“My speech!  Now shush.”   She instructs him.</p><p>“Abby,” Joe tries to inject.</p><p>“It’s not that bad, I promise.” Abby assures him.  “Short and sweet.”</p><p>“Abby, save your speech.” Joe blurts.  Abby blinks twice.</p><p>“Excuse me?”  Her voice is low and dangerous.</p><p>“I’m not,” Joe sucks in a breath before he continues.  “I can’t,”</p><p>“Stop.”</p><p>“Abby,”</p><p>“No, you don’t get to do this.” Abby turns to him.  “Not now.   Not after everything you two have been through.  Suck it up Joe Solomon.   You are going to marry my sister and you will live happily ever after!”</p><p>“Abby, I can’t.” Joe shakes his head sadly.</p><p>“Yes, you can.” She says petulantly. “It’s easy.  You walk down the aisle; you exchange rings and you sign a paper.  Voila. Married.”</p><p>“Abby it’s not that simple.”</p><p>“Didn’t you just hear me?”</p><p>“Abby.  I can’t.  I can’t do this to her.”  Joe pleads.</p><p>“Do what?”  Abby launches herself from her couch.  “Make her happy?”</p><p>“No.” Joe looks away sheepishly. </p><p>“Joe, I’ve watched her light up as soon as you enter the room for two years now.   You can’t tell me you don’t make her happy.  We both know that’s a lie.”  Abby jabs her finger at him.</p><p>“I’m not right for her.  I,” Joe plays with his fingers nervously.</p><p>“What? Can’t step into Matt’s shoes?  Steal his wife?” Abby spits, contempt lacing her words.</p><p>“Yes.” Joe whispers.</p><p>“Newsflash.” Abby snaps.  “He’s dead.  I found his body.  Well, actually,”</p><p>“Don’t.” Joe barks, sitting up straight. </p><p>“If you think he’d be angry with you, maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought you did.”  Abby folds her arms in front of her body and stares at Joe pointedly.</p><p>“Maybe I didn’t” Joe concedes with a shrug.   He plays with his fingers as he stares at the floor with an empty expression.   Silence holds for a minute.</p><p>“Bull.” Abby snarls.  “That’s crap and you know it.”</p><p>“Abby,” Joe pleads again.  He leans forward and runs his hands into his hair.</p><p>“No, I’m not letting you off and if you think Rachel will, you are seriously deluded.”</p><p>“It’s easier this way.”</p><p>“Since when have you ever taken the easy way out?” Abby challenges him.</p><p>Joe looks at her mournfully, practically begging her to accept his wishes.  Finally, Abby drops her arms and shrugs.  </p><p>“Maybe you’re right.  Maybe this for the best.”  Abby finally concedes.  “I mean if you are willing to give up this easily it’s a wonder the Circle never managed to kill you.”</p><p>Joe expression becomes hard and threatening.   Abby knows exactly which buttons to push and she plows right through the warning bells his posture is sending.</p><p>“Damnit Joe.  Why did you do it?”  Abby huffs.  “Why did you put them through all of this if you weren’t willing see this through?  Is it the Circle?  Was that the only thing that gave you purpose?  Avenging Matt?   Why get Matt involved in the first place?  What was the point?”</p><p>“I was selfish.” Joe mouths.  “I wanted to be free.”</p><p>“I’m sorry?” Abby strains to hear him.</p><p>“I was selfish.”  Joe says louder.</p><p>“Were you?  Was it selfishness that led you to watch over Zach, to teach him to protect himself?  Was it selfishness that sent you all over Europe to try and bring Matt home?   Was it selfishness that drew you to Gallagher to teach Cammie?   To nearly get yourself killed trying to protect her from the Circle?   Was it selfishness that sent you around the world to eliminate Circle members with Rachel?   Was it? Because I don’t think it was.”</p><p>“You give me too much credit.”</p><p>“You don’t give yourself enough.   The circle is gone Joe.   You set a goal, you played the long game and all of your sacrifices paid off.   Was it worth it?  Are you going to let the Circle continue to dictate your life or are you actually going to live it?”   Abby’s chest heaved as she caught her breath.  Joe still didn’t look up at her.</p><p>“Joseph Solomon.”  Abby barks.  “Look at me.”</p><p>Joe looks up.  Abby is imposing.  Her hands on her hips, her eyes flashing with irritation.  </p><p>“You did your best with the hand you were dealt.”  Abby tells him.  “If you fold right now, you will regret it for the rest of your life.   Are you going to fold Joseph Solomon, or keep playing?”</p><p>Joe is dumbfounded.  He shouldn’t be but he is.   Abby had certainly brow beat many people into agreeing with her but he had never experienced the full Abigail Cameron verbal beat down for himself.    She is impressive when she sets her mind to something.  In that moment, he feels sorry for Edward Townsend.   That man has no idea what he’s in for, or maybe he does and he enjoys a challenge.   Either way, Joe is speechless.</p><p>“So, what’s it gonna be?” Abby pushes.</p><p>“I,” Joe stumbles over his words.  “I’ll play.”</p><p>“Atta boy.” Abby flops down onto the couch next to him.   They both stare at the blank wall in front of them.</p><p>“Don’t give up on her, Joe.   She’s been through a lot.”  Abby whispers.  “They both have.”</p><p>“I know.” Joe says even more softly than Abby.   His voice catches in his throat, tears well in his eyes which he didn’t think possible after his episode on the lakeside.</p><p>“Don’t give up on yourself either.   You deserve this.”  Abby continues her lecture.  “You both do.”</p><p>“Abby,” Joe croaks.  “Thank you.”</p><p>“I didn’t do this for you.” Abby warns him.</p><p>“I know.” Joe says again.</p><p>“And Joe,” Abby looks over at him again and he meets her gaze.  “You break her heart; I break your face.”</p>
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